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Letting Go Your Baggage from a Broken Relationship by Luis Hines, Ph.D., LMHC, LPC
One of the most worst feeling in life is Dealing with old relationship baggage. Here you are, trying to be strong, trying to move past old drama and old issues. But no matter what you do, the past keeps following you around, tainting and teasing your current life.
There are a million reasons why you might be carrying around relationship baggage. But no matter what happened to you in the past, baggage tends to feel the same for everyone. When your baggage becomes a burden; it’s time to do something about it. Let’s face it, no one wants to be alone, but shit happen, you gave it your all and it didn’t work out!
So, there will be a few things that will happen to you: personal baggage leads to problems in a current or future relationships; personal baggage leads big problems and you never have another relationship and finally, personal baggage create a “don’t’ trust anyone with your heart” and anger set in like cement.
It’s some advice from me, learn from this and begin to upload your bags so you will have room for a new person and able to receive their love. In other words, if you don’t find ways to move on, it can end up creating quite the mess. So, here are some tips for letting go of your baggage, once and for all. Hopefully this advice will help you move on, and lead you to a healthier, happier relationship.
1. Learn From The Past
Of course this is way easier said than done, but taking some time to reflect on the past can help you learn from old mistakes.
2. Let Go of Repeating Thoughts
If you’ve been through the relationship ringer, then you probably carry around a ton of circulating thoughts. Things like, “What went wrong?” or “Why did he/she do that to me?” (Etc. etc.) But in order to move on, you have to start letting them fade from your brain. In other words, let go of the story you tell yourself. Give yourself permission to move on from this shit. Stop asking questions and be OK with moving on.
3. Remember Not Everything Is Meant to Last
Sometimes it’s tough to move on from past relationships because you never wanted them to end in the first place. When that’s the case, it can help to remember that not all relationships are meant to last forever. “There is the saying that every person comes into our life for ‘a reason, a season, or a lifetime.’
4. Let Yourself Feel Sad
Sometimes baggage sticks around because you never let yourself deal with it. In other words, you never let yourself get super angry, or ridiculously upset. If you haven’t done either yet, do yourself a favor and get emotional. Crying is good for the soul, so let it all out.
5. Work On Your Self-Esteem
In order to move on from a past relationship — especially if it was really bad and confidence-ruining — it’s going to be necessary to pick yourself up, and improve your self-esteem. Working on your self-esteem will also help keep you out of unhealthy relationship patterns. So let’s get to it.
6. Don’t Talk To Your Ex
For the love of life, please stop talking to your ex. Delete their number, and don’t do the whole 2 a.m. drunk text thing. And definitely remove them from your social media (to avoid taking walks down memory lane).
For the love of life, please stop talking to your ex. Delete their number, and don’t do the whole 2 a.m. drunk text thing. And definitely remove them from your social media (to avoid taking walks down memory lane).
7. Practice Some Acceptance
“Accept your history and the people that have been a part of your history; accept your circumstances and remember that none of these define you,” O’Connor said. “Acceptance is the first step to letting go and setting yourself free.”
8. Don’t turn your ‘EX’ into idol
One of the biggest mistake people make is making their EX into an idol. When they tried to find a “better” replacement for God. It’s literally impossible to replace God, especially with a person. When you idolize a human being, they will always come short. Why trust someone who can’t keep their word? One person can’t offer peace when you need it most. Because they aren’t all mighty and powerful, they will definitely let you down and leave you discouraged. Plus, it’s unfair to them. Placing your significant other up on a pedestal is setting both of you up for failure. How can they compete with a perfect God? How can they ever live up to your expectations and needs?
9. Head Off To Therapy
Sometimes it’s impossible to go it alone, and you have to call in the professionals. This tactic is often necessary if you simply can’t move on, and/or feel totally burdened by past problems. As Martinez says, “People who move forward possess insight, are not afraid to seek professional help to help them identify and break negative patterns.” Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
10. Remember Everyone Is Different
If you’re comparing your current SO to you ex, pause and take a second to remember that they are two totally different people.
11. Have A Positive Outlook
OK, so maybe things are difficult right now. But you can take steps to feel better, right? Every day won’t be BAD but every day won’t be GOOD either. Take ONE day at a time and make the BEST of it. Begin to unpack your bag and get rid of the shit you don’t need and make room for the GOOD shit in LIFE.